I really hope that some day I look back through my posts, read this, and laugh. Actually, I doubt I’d ever laugh, but maybe at least breathe a sigh of relief.
I close on my townhouse in three days and I am terrified.
I am not excited. I am not relieved. I am stressed and tired and I think I have at least the beginnings of an ulcer.
I know I’m prone to worry, and I’m sure that’s part of this. Plus work has been seriously high stress lately so the house stuff has almost taken a backseat; perhaps I feel I haven’t been paying enough attention to the details.
But despite these excuses, a number of things that I know are legitimate are causing me great pause. There were a number of problems with the house (inspection turned up aluminum wiring, leaks and a number of other issues). The things that can be fixed have, but the wiring remains aluminum and, having had a house fire in the past, this is keeping me up nights.
I have a huge list of uncompleted tasks (packing, selling stuff, getting a moving van, doing pre-move work on the house, mortgage and insurance details) which only make me feel like I’m not qualified to own my own home. That feeling is reinforced every time a friend asks me if I’ve done x and I realize I never even thought about x.
Worst of all, I have a general feeling that I’m not as in-love with the house as I should be. I wonder if I rushed into this too quickly- despite the months I searched, I only looked at the house once and only for a short time before I made the offer.
Yes, I could “get out of this”. But it would cost me $1500 and I haven’t seen anything I like better. I’m not seriously considering getting out of it but I keep thinking that I really want this to be over and then I remember it won’t be over until I sell the place. I’m so tired and so uninspired and I’m worried that come Monday I’ll just be tired, uninspired and broke.
I don’t know if all this stress is normal but I do find myself wishing (and this is rare for me though I know I whine about it on here enough…) that I had someone else, a significant other, to help me through this. Someone to tell me that it will be ok, to help pay the mortgage in case I become unemployed (or quit after this week) and someone who I know has to help paint and strip wallpaper.