It’s 11:45pm. Not that late really but since I’ve been trying to fall asleep for almost an hour the time has gone by agonizingly slowly. I’ve read, had the TV on, TV off, played mind-numbing games on my cell phone, and lain in the dark thinking of soft sandy beaches. I’ve tried thinking of nothing. It’s all been spectacularly unsuccessful.
I’m thinking about work, and all the stuff I haven’t done. Thinking about school, and all the stuff I haven’t done. Thinking about my pregnant cousin and all her crazy stress, thinking about my office NCAA tournament pool that I’ve done nothing to prepare for, thinking about my weight and the fact that I gained three pounds last week in NY (despite being sick while I was away- not the best trip ever), thinking about the fact that I’m supposed to get up and go to the gym in, uh… less than five hours.
And those are the not-so-dark-and-depressing thoughts. Somehow all the stupid little things I have to worry about seem to be a catalyst for the big concerns that can usually be ignored. The combined mass is, well, it’s keeping me awake for one thing. I can’t shut off my brain. I feel like I need to take a giant step back from everything. And wasn’t my vacation supposed to help me do that? Damn it!
I hate to post this sappy, whiny crap and I’m pretty sure I have a rule against posting this late at night for just this reason. Now I need to re-read this tomorrow to make sure it doesn’t say anything too stupid. Great– something else to do.