General Information

Just Don’t

Girls: tell me if you know this senario: You’re walking down the sidewalk and a guy is coming towards you or maybe across the street and as he comes closer he starts either muttering to you, words you can’t hear but you know aren’t good, or calling out to you. “Hey baby!”, “How you doin’?” “, “You’ve got quite a pair there” and other, less subtle commentary. I don’t know if I know a single girl who hasn’t had this happen to her. To some perhaps it is flattering, but depending on the time of day, your location and yes, the guy, this can be a very unpleasant experience.

I will freely admit that I am paranoid (see ‘About Me’ section of this page). I don’t think it’s safe for any girl between the ages of 2 months and 90 years not to be at least a little paranoid. It is a sad fact that there are a lot of wackos out there and they are mostly men. So when a guy is coming down the street, making those comments, perhaps coming a little too close, trying to brush up against you, rub on you on a bus or subway – this is cause for alarm to me. I do not want you that close. There are very few people in this world I want anywhere NEAR that close or saying anything like that to me – and you are definitely not one of them. Why would you think you are?!?

My excessive paranoia actually has a source. My sophomore year in college I was waiting at a bus stop to go to class. It was a summer session so there was no one around. A black man without any shirt on walked across the parking lot towards the little bus depot I was sitting near and came in and sat down on one of the seats inside. I was sitting on the curb just outside the shelter, reading Shakespeare and, honestly, trying not to be nervous. There was no one around, no buildings within yelling distance and I was already getting a bad feeling. I tried to ignore him but at one point I looked up and realized the guy was jerking off while he watched me. I walked away and, thank god, he finished and left without trying to come too close to me. I never told anyone about this.

I felt sick all day. All I wanted was a shower and it didn’t help. You feel so violated, so angry, and there is nothing you can do. I’ve often thought I should have told someone but I couldn’t have described him and it seemed silly to me at the time when all I could think was that it could have been so much worse. I know this is not even in the same ballpark as rape or other assault, and it’s a lot worse than a guy saying “Hey sweetcheeks” on the subway, but these are all some place on the other side of a line a guy should know better than to cross.

If there are any guys reading this (and since my average viewership spikes at about 3 a month, I doubt they’ll be many) – do all the girls you know a favor and avoid being this guy. And stop your friends from being this guy too. Thank you.